At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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