Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
