you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
