i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
