Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
