I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
