Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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