my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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