He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
