every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
