and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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