She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize