Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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