Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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