I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
