This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
