i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
