I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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