she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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