I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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