What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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