he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
