I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
