Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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