Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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