Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
