I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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