you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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