You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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