I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
