Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
