Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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