literally had 100 drinks last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
