I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize