Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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