He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
