I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
