Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
