you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
