The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
