dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sober January is a disaster.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
