YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
