My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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