did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize