Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
