i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
