there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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