If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
