The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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