So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
