I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
