I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
