yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
