i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
