i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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