She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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