i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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