and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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