We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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