So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
