There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
