a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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