So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
