Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
