i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
