i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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