please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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