I want to have your abortion
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
