New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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