You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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