I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
