Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
