Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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