Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pooping to opera.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
