Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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