anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
