Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
